Hi everyone. I am new to blogging. If you are reading this let me first say thank you. Let me start out by introducing myself. My name is Morgan. I will turn 30 next year! I have an amazing husband named Jeff, we've been together since 2001. He is my rock. I have an amazing daughter named Chloe. She is why I wake up every morning. I have two miniature Dachshund's named Mina and Ruby. I also have 4 snakes and a blue tongue skink.
Here is a little more background. When I got engaged I remember asking my mom if my aunt was going to make me a small quilt. I always admired the one my aunt made that was on our living room couch. My mom replied "no, she's too busy." I was disappointed but I wasn't surprised. Little did I know that my mom decided to take a beginning quilting class. At our engagement party my mom gave us the most beautiful quilt. I was floored. Within a year of quilting my mom won first place in her towns fair. She had talent. Quilting gave her friends, also gave her an obsession. I felt bad about leaving my mom but I knew that her friends would be there for her. My mom had a gleam in her eyes and she was truelly happy for the first time in a long time. My mom tried to get me to quilt. I resisted. But when I found out my best friend was getting married I thought why not learn now? My mom learned for me, I can learn for her. So that is how I got bit by the quilting bug.
My mom was my best friend. When I was expecting Chloe my mom found out she had cancer. She was worried about telling me because I was having some rough times. I knew something was wrong when I couldn't get a hold of her to talk. It wasn't like her. One week later on her birthday my dad called Jeff and told him she had cancer. I was broken. That was one of the worst days of my life. It got worse when I did research and found out just how bad it was. Little did I know that is was even far worse then that. My dad made it sound she was okay. My husband couldn't get off work to make the 12 hr drive so we waited a week. I wasn't prepared for what happened next. We got to my parent's house late Friday night. We saw my mom first thing the next morning. Her friends had sent packages and they were my baby shower gifts. It was so hard. My mom looked, well she looked like someone else. She was in so much pain and she was so sorry. I told her I loved her and that it was okay. I could see she was in pain when I was opening the presents. After a few I stopped, it was also too painful for me. I told her I was naming my daughter Chloe and her middle name Carol Ann after her. She said that I didn't have to. It made her so happy. My dad said that should go and get some groceries. I left. We went home and I opened the rest of the gifts. It was so hard. I opened a quilt made from my mom's best friends with a note saying how my mom asked them to make one for my daughter. It hurt so much. I crumbled in a heap. It took a while for me to gather myself and go back to the hospital. My mom was sleeping. We stayed and left to get some dinner.
My dad went back the hospital to spend the night and I was going to go first thing in the morning. Shortly after he left the phone rang and it was the hospital. We jumped in the car. We got there and my mom was in a haze of pain. She didn't know we were there. I got on the phone and told my brother he needs to change his flight and come out right NOW. We stayed for a little while and left to get some sleep. I put all the phones near me and prayed that my mom would pass in her sleep. As much as I want my mom to be with us, she was no longer herself. If letting her go means she will be pain free then that is what needs to happen. I prayed on getting a call. When the alarm woke us up I didn't know how I could handle another day. We got there and my dad said she had a bad night, she cried out in pain and wanted her mom. We were shown how to press for more pain medication and my dad went home to sleep a little. Jeff was on the side of the bed with the pain button and I was on the other side holding her hand. She called for her mom and was saying how she was late for school. We called for the nurse because she tried to get out of bed. The nurse called her doctor. While we were waiting for the doctor the nurse gave her something to calm her down. It didn't help. My heart was breaking even more. Finally the dr came and I had to stand my ground saying she needed more pain medication. The doctor was worried that she wasn't aware of her surroundings. Who cares anymore. My mom is gone, her spirit has already left her.
I was shaken up by the dr visit and Jeff told me to go down and get something to eat. I went down the the cafeteria and I was sitting at the table holding back tears. Trying to drink some juice staring at my phone. I got up and was waddling back to her room when my phone does something weird. Then I get paged. I ran to her room just as she took her last breathe. The extra pain killer had finally allowed her to let go. I will always feel guilty about leaving her but then again I think she was waiting for my dad and me to leave her so she could go without us being there. She was trying to spare us the extra pain. I am so glad that Jeff was there. He cried with me and went to get my dad.
I sat there next to my mom holding her hand. I called my best friend, I called my brother, I called my grandma. And I just sat with her. I talked to her a little . That was the worst day of my life. As I sat there I was heart broken but I also was relieved that she was in heaven now. I could see her working on quilts with her favorite dog at her feet. She was pain free, cancer fee. Even writing this down there are tears streaming down my eyes. I miss my mom more every day. But everyday I find something more to love about her.
I will leave it at that for right now. My mom's death has changed me. She has made me who I am today. More then likely in all my blogs I will mention her. Thank you for listening.
